I’M ALIVE!

As I shared in my last blog, I lost my father recently, suddenly and very unexpectedly.  Beyond his loss and the grief that so familiarly set in with his passing, I have also been in a state of grief in some other areas of my life.  So I must apologize for taking a somewhat extended stay away from blogging.

One of the qualities that I have come to possess is “strength” in the face of adversity.  It did not come easily, I assure you, nor did I ever imagine I would face the unimaginable in the course of my life either; loosing a precious son too soon.  In these last few weeks, I have found myself again being tested.    Although I have never forgotten one instant, one moment or one day of my son’s life, along with his last moments and last breath on the day of his death, there eventually came a time when it felt safe to put those memories in a “safe deposit box” so to speak in order to be able to move forward; the key that secured the memories – “Strength”.  With my recent loss, that box of memories, especially those of the moments shared between my father and my son, Marc, for that brief moment in time, has been burst open by the flood gates and I again have come face to face with grief, sorrow and sadness that I lived all of those years ago.  Along with that came a profound sense of my own mortality with a recent health scare that, thankfully, turned out to be just that, “a scare”.  

“Grief” is a very powerful emotion.  It wraps its arms around you and can put you in a tailspin and hold you there for a very long time, if not forever, unless or until you decide to make the choice to have your world stop spinning.

I have lost a child!  I still have a very hard time coping with that because I came to know that unbearable grief and sorrow intimately.  I lived that tailspin for a very long time after the loss of my precious son and will forever live with the memory of those last precious, intimate moments I had with him.  After going through every avenue, one of guilt for not being the one to leave this world first, and all the other avenues of grief after facing the reality of it, I eventually made the conscious choice to live in a way that would have made him proud to call me “mom”, and myself proud as a woman, wife and mother to my other children. 

With the loss of other family members, along with the now recent passing of my father, I have become experienced in channels of grief.  What I have come to learn, and what someone brought to my attention again recently is; “If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim”.  I choose to swim too and not drown.    

 I guess the only thing I’m trying to say here is that, in spite of our sorrow and grief, life does go on with or without us.  Everyone has the right to grieve in their own way and in their own time.  I, personally,  find “purpose” in doing what I do now so that I may help other families and their children be educated and possibly spared from a “detectable” and “treatable” disease  in order for life to go on as normal.  I take extreme pride in my being able to be on this earth and continuously work towards fulfilling the dream of saving other families from the pain, grief, sadness and despair that comes with the loss of a child.

It’s possible! 

None of us are protected from grieving the loss of someone we love at some point in our lives and there is certainly no manual to follow when faced with that loss.  I’m not special in any way because of my experiences and I’m far from perfect; I’m just human with the desire, dream and capability to bring education, awareness, and a “proactive” heart screening initiative known as “SafeBeat”  to young Americans and young athletes in communities across the country.

I took a reprieve to grieve and in this recent loss have quickly come to the realization from past experience that the best way to remember those that have been lost is through “LIFE”. 

 As I was driving home tonight, listening to the country radio station to keep up with what my children are in to, a song came on that seemed so fitting for what I have been going through in recent weeks.  It’s called “I’m Alive”  and the words seemed to sum everything up for me in such a beautiful way.  I share the song, more so the words, with you now with the following link.

http://tinyurl.com/yedsa4q

I am alive and I have been shown, and now have been given a blessed reminder through my father, just how precious life is and how a simple, imperfect, determined soul can make a difference in the world.  For as long as I am blessed to be here, I choose to make “myself” and those who gave me life, share my life, and have gone before me proud.  You, too, can make that difference along with me.  Make “yourself” proud to be alive!